White Horse
by TheStereotypicalShipper
Summary: Evan is heart broken and no one can help him heal. When the love of his life says, "I love you," will he say yes...or no? M/M. Fluff. Angst. Depression. Lots of depressing comments. Read if you've ever had your heart broken. Please review. :-/


**Summary: Evan is depressed and no one can help him. Love has escaped him yet again and there isn't much hope for another shot from cupid. but when the love of his life says, "I love you," will he say yes... or no?**

**A/N: Re-upload! Expect some slight changes. I hope you guys like it. If you remember the story before i deleted it, i no longer have feelings for he who shall not be named. **

**A/N: Aka, i realised that some of you guys were confused with who this "him" or "he" was and its Ted. Not Mike, Jack, or Chris. Its Ted. **

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><p><em><strong>White Horse<strong>_

Evan's POV

I sat in the shotgun seat on my dad's car, watching the late spring trees pass by with a blur of light green. Summer was just around the corner and the sun lightly brushed my face. The dim orange rays of sunset caressed my reflection, revealing my sad expression. The black pavement stretched to form the long road, leading on forever. I always thought my love would last forever, but everything has to end.

My dad looks over at me and vaguely smiles, hoping to lift my spirits, but I don't even look at him. I stare out the window, my sullen expression never leaving my face. My chin propped in my right hand palm, my spine slouched over. All of my energy had been used up earlier when i was working out in the school weight room. Depression had struck me yet again. Love escaped my heart. My breathing steady, calm, almost as if i were dead.

With my left hand, I pull my phone out and open up my photo album. I swipe through the pictures, looking for "him." I can't get "him" out of my head, but I have to or die trying. For the past month I've been trying to forget "him", but I can't resist looking at "his" face. My heart strings are plucked harder and harder with each passing second. I can't help myself but stare, but i know i have to blink and realise reality eventually. Yet i still stare, because "he" is the only one who can see the brightness of this cruel cruel world.

In my head, i always thought "he's" be my knight in shining armor. Both of us, fighting for our existence, forging our lives for ourselves. Many people would be against us, and i thought we could endure together. Sadly, there isn't or never will be an "us." Reality hit me. I'm all alone, fighting for only myself. No one to watch my back, vulnerable, weak, and no one to turn to. Only me. I have friends though. They can help me through, but somehow, there's always a hole that can't be filled.

I just want "him" to say I love him sometimes, but, fear always gets in my way. The fear of rejection. the fear of losing something for nothing in return. The fear that is always imminent for a person like me. I literally pace back and forth to decide if i should admit my love. I never did need him to tell me "he" didn't love me for me to know we didn't share the same feelings. The day I saw Randy and "him" together, i knew, but i lied to myself thinking, "He likes you. He likes you. Not him.** You**." But the more I told myself that, the more i was digging a deeper grave for my feelings. I should've known, but it was too late. Reality hit yet again, knocking me down like the Twin Towers, destroying everything. The day i accepted that fact was the day i decided i should give up. And i did.

But the time i spent liking "him," holding on to whatever i could, it seemed like the days were longer. I honestly believed "he" could return my feelings. It was torturous, thinking back and forth, always changing my feelings. One day, i was reading a story to my little niece. The classic Snow White story. When i got to the part when the prince found the princess, my brain translated the story to how me and him were like them. How that could never happen to me. My niece asked what was wrong, but i hid my feelings as usual.

The more i look around this little old town of mine, the more i come to realize that he wouldn't just share what i have for him. I literally dreamed of "him," holding "his" hand, laughing with "him," going out to some beach and staring into the sunset, enjoying each other's company. But i was so wrong. The most wrong i had ever been in my life. I never made such mistakes before. But, somewhere, deep in my heart, i knew i still had feelings for "him." I knew, _**IF**_ "he" did share the same feelings as i do for "him," _**i would say...**_

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><p><em><strong>Say you're sorry<strong>__**  
><strong>__**That face of an angel comes out just when you need it to**__**  
><strong>__**As I paced back and forth all this time**__**  
><strong>__**'Cause I honestly believed in you**_

_**Holding on, the days drag on**__**  
><strong>__**Stupid girl, I should have known**__**  
><strong>__**I should have known**_

_**That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale**__**  
><strong>__**I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet**__**  
><strong>__**Lead her up the stairwell**_

_**This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town**__**  
><strong>__**I was a dreamer before you went and let me down**__**  
><strong>__**Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around**_

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><p>Finally, I find the picture of "his" angelic face. It was a picture of "him" at our field trip to Disney Land for the Seniors. It was taken on the bus ride there, right when everyone was on the usual field trip high. Even though it was just a picture of him from the shoulders up, it was enough for me. "His" dirty blonde hair, "his" chiseled yet young facial features, and "his" beautiful blue eyes pulled my heart strings like a harp. I wasn't a pervert or anything, i just admire "his" beauty.<p>

In the next picture, "he" was sitting across the aisle from me and was posing for me. "He" had his arms wrapped around his best friend and secret boyfriend, Randy Orton. They looked cute together. The intensity emanating from Randy mixed perfectly with "his" goofy yet manly personality. I stared at how the couple looked so happy together. They were like sweet and sour sauce. Unusual yet perfect.

We both went to a private school here in this small town of ours. Obviously, a lot of the kids here are homophobic, but I always knew there were a few other gay kids. "He" was the first one I suspected, and I was right. We both played a lot of sports and were usually on the same team. "He" was an offensive and defensive live man, while I was a running back and a wide linebacker.

About a year , around football season, my friends and I were finally on the Varsity football team. There, I fell in love with "him." At first I thought it was a little crush, but my love flourished, burning, yearning, bursting in my heart. At the beginning of this school year, I wished day by day that he'd ask me out, but it never happened. I was timid around him, my behavior obviously different when he was around, but, of course, he never noticed.

Through the school year, I kept on getting signals, looks, and strange behavioral patterns from him. I'm able to read people's emotions very well and can act according to the occasion. This time, however, I acted normal and like myself. I decided to be who i am and let "him" decided if "he" likes who i really am. I've never felt so...so...lovestruck before in my life. Sure, i'm a teenager and im still young, but i feel like i wont have another chance at love.

About a month ago, that was when my heart broke. That was when I found out "his" true feelings for me. "His" feelings weren't for me, but for Randy. At first, I felt jealous, but then sad. I really didn't know Randy. I guess that was why I wasn't able to "read" him as well as "his." I should've known. I felt so…so…stupid. the two were best friends and were inseparable. I should've noticed the way they look at each other, the way they react to each other, and that one time where i caught "him" slightly grinding against Randy when everyone was locked outside of the lunchroom so the lunch ladies could cook everything.

A tear rolled down my cheek, and I immediately wipe it away with my hand. I look up and notice that my dad was pulling us in our concrete drive way, leading up to our house. I lock my phone and stuff it back in my pocket. I collect my backpack, duffel bag, and guitar from the trunk.

Once inside, I walk into my room, setting down my stuff. I lay my guitar on my bed and opened its case. After sticking the capo on the second fret, I sit on my desk chair and start playing some chords, singing the perfect song describing me right now. A song, that, makes me cry every time i hear it.

I start off playing a few chords, getting the rythym in my head, remembering the lyrics. In the back of my head, i felt so naive, so stupid. I felt that i could've prevented myself from getting hurt. I just wanted to go back in time and tell my past self, "He's not worth it. you may be in love, but in the end, you'll end up be yourself. Stay away from "him." Wait for someone better." but i know i would never listen.

My mind drifted back to "his" beautiful blue eyes. Its almost like every time i make eye contact with "him," i get lost. It sounds cheesy but its the truth. I can't help but adore how blue they are. The perfect shade for a person like him. Funny, goofy, morally correct, good with his words, respectful, and nice. He was so...so...adorable. I cant find any other words to describe "him." All the dreams I've had about him all involved him comforting me. Telling me that everything will be okay. In the morning when I wake up,_** I regret having them.**_

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><p><em><em>_**Baby I was naive**__**  
><strong>__**Got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance**__**  
><strong>__**My mistake, I didn't know that to be in love**__**  
><strong>__**You had to fight to have the upper hand**_

_**I had so many dreams about you and me**__**  
><strong>__**Happy endings, now I know**_

_**That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale**__**  
><strong>__**I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet**__**  
><strong>__**Lead her up the stairwell**_

_**This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town**__**  
><strong>__**I was a dreamer before you went and let me down**__**  
><strong>__**Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around**_

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><p>Half way through the song, my phone rang. I put down my guitar and whipped out my phone. I gasped at the name on my screen. It was "him." I hesitated a second and gained my composure. I pressed the "accept" button and pressed the speaker to my ear.<p>

"Evan?" "He" asked. My heart skipped a beat. "His" southern drawl was so perfect and angelic. I couldn't control myself.

"Yeah….its me." I stopped for a second, wiping the pooling tears forming around my eyes, "Why did you call me?" I asked, biting back my pangs of hurt and betrayal. His voice was so tantalizing to my ears. It took every ounce of will power not to freak out and scream.

"I just wanted to hear your voice. Evan…" "He" paused, "I'm sorry." I practically broke down right there. I couldn't believe my ears. My senses were dull. I sat down beside my bedroom wall, soaking in all this information. "Why would he say that?" I angrily thought, "He already has a man!"

I swallow my pride and continued our conversation, "Why don't you go back to Randy? You two are perfect together." I wittily respond. I wasn't just going to let him control and play with my feelings. He hurt me and I can't forgive for that. I barely have feelings for anyone. Love is precious to me, i don't just hand it out on a silver platter.

"Because…...I'm in love with you. Please Evan, give me a chance." "He" answered. My blood froze. Those five words were what I've been waiting for him to say for the last year. I couldn't believe it. Was I really going to turn him down? Yes I was. I didn't want to deal with him in my life. I've been through way too much. Two years of mental torture, the feeling of loss, the empty hole left in my heart. FUCK! I have to stop all of this! A relationship with him wasn't worth what i went through. I never want that to happen to me again.

"Give you another chance? I've given you so many! Even **before** you were together with Randy!" I screamed, "I gave you so many hints! Especially on Christmas! New Years! You're Birthday! Valentines! My birthday!" I griped, "How do you expect me to give you another chance." My breathing was heavy. There wasn't any sound coming from the other side of the line. I just spilled out my entire heart.

Finally he responded, "I love you Evan, do you love me?" "He" said desperately. There were those words again. Evan knew what he had to do. He had enough of pain in his life. Enough was enough. I built up all of the will power i could muster to say one single word that would finally end this all. And it wasn't "yes."

"No." I answered, knowing very well what I said was a lie. I touched the "disconnect" button and threw my phone on my bed. I paced around my room and ended up in the corner. I leaned back and let my body slide down the wall, until my ass hit the floor. My eyes were brimming with tears. I tried fighting them back but, like a damn, they broke through.

Streaks of water quickly rolled down my face, my lungs hyperventilating with strife. My mind completely broke down, letting my inner feeling float to the surface. If anyone found me, they would start crying too because off my extreme sadness. I pulled my knees in close to my chest, rocking back and forth, letting my heart break in half thoroughly.

Soon, I knew my lie to "him" would be true. What was I thinking this could've worked out? My life isn't a fairytale. He isn't my knight in shining armor. This is a small town, where nothing can happen. I'm still a dreamer. But you let me down. It's too late. I don't love you anymore. And I'm not sorry.

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><p><em><strong>And there you are on your knees<strong>__**  
><strong>__**Begging for forgiveness, begging for me**__**  
><strong>__**Just like I always wanted, but I'm so sorry**_

_**'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale**__**  
><strong>__**I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well**__**  
><strong>__**This is a big world, that was a small town**__**  
><strong>__**There in my rearview mirror disappearing now**_

_**And it's too late for you and your white horse**__**  
><strong>__**Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now**_

_**Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa**__**  
><strong>__**Try and catch me now**__**  
><strong>__**Oh, it's too late to catch me now**_

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><p><strong>AN: So, re-writing this made me cry again. I am definitely over, "He who shall not be named." Please dont mention him ever again. I've been through a lot lately and i don't think i can handle much more at the moment. **_**  
><strong>_


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